it’s been about a month.
i miss my dad so much, it gets harder every day to keep myself together.
yesterday avery (my nephew, my dads best bud) came over and he turned on a minecraft game him and my dad had worked on for a long time. i hadn’t seen it in months, and i just started balling.
i don’t feel like doing anything, or talking to anyone. so basically all i do is play sims and watch stupid tv shows, to try and distract myself from how much i’m hurting.
i’ve lost like 15 followers since my last post, that’s cool.
my dad died at exactly noon on saturday. even though we had 3 months to prepare for this, it is still extremely devastating and excruciatingly painful. i’m glad he’s not in pain or confused, or going through any sort of suffering anymore. but saying i’m going to miss him is the understatement of the century. he was the most amazing dad, and the greatest man i’ve ever known. and also the most incredible best friend i could have ever asked for. i truly can’t imagine my life without him, and this road ahead of us seems impossible.
he had gone into a coma 24 hours prior to passing away, and my mom and i were right by his side, holding his hand when he took his final breath. that moment will stay with me for the rest of my life. and i’m scared this feeling of a gaping hole in my chest will never go away.
i knew this loss would be catastrophic for us. because my dad is everything to us. it’s going to be so empty without him. and i’ve known all my life that my parents were truly meant to be, there’s no doubt in my mind about that. they’ve been together for 40 years. but it didn’t hit me so hard until yesterday the significant loss it would be for my mom. watching her with my dad after he had died, seeing her in that much pain, was like a knife to my chest. and there’s nothing i can do to make it better. she’s lost her best friend, the love of her life, she has gone through everything with him.
so i’m sleeping in their bed with her. last night both of us woke up in the middle of the night and cried to the point where we couldn’t breathe. then we fell asleep cuddled up together.
i just felt the need to tell some of you (at least the few friends i have on here) that he’s finally gone. and i won’t be around for a while.
rest in peace dad, i love you more than anything, and i’m going to miss you so, so much. my life will not be the same without you.
these are my dads final days. i don’t see myself being around for a while.
Do you ever wonder about how an author would describe you in a novel? Not only your appearance but the way you talk and laugh and hold yourself and all the expressions on your face?
“And then there’s this asshole”
"@lucyhale: If it’s wrong to have Ranch dressing for breakfast, then I don’t want to be right."